Well I guess I have been living in denial. I never truly accepted the PCOS diagnosis and thought that by improving my way of life and taking herbs such as Dong Quai & Vitex, eating more yams (great fertility food), and taking Metformin, that I could fix me. BOY WAS I F*@$ING wrong! I just don't know what I did to deserve this.
I really thought that when I had my ultrasound yesterday, since I was on day 16 of my cycle, that my doc would see that I'm close to ovulating. HA. I obviously cannot fix myself. I know there's no cure for PCOS, but I really still thought it was a mistake. My biggest follicle in each ovary was only around 7mm. Doc said they need to be more like 17mm and it doesn't look like I'll ovulate this cycle.
I guess the good news is that I do not have any cysts so I can start Clomid on my next cycle. She told me there was a 10% chance for multiples and asked if Joy and I were okay with that. I said what can I do, I don't have much of a choice. Either take the chance or possibly never have kids. I'll be 30 this year, my fertility is naturally declining as it is and the older I get the greater risk of health problems. She wanted me to wait for this cycle to naturally end. I told her I've had 3 month long cycles before, I am not going to just sit here and wait some more hoping to have a short cycle this time. It's been 1.5 years already! So she agreed if I don't ovulate or have a period in 3 weeks then I'll take Provera or Prometrium to end this cycle. Glad I put my foot down.
So now I wait. I get so frustrated when I talk to some people because they just don't get it. They tell me to just relax, you're working on this too hard. WTF! I HAVE to work at this, it's just not going to magically happen. I need drugs to ovulate and I HAVE to track and monitor my cycles or else how the hell will I know when I'm ovulating. If you don't have anything nice to say then shut your freakin trap!
I just have to take my mind off all this while I wait because I'm driving myself nuts and getting way too angry.
Joy and I have been going to the gym together again, which is really nice. I feel much better when I'm active, so I'll just have to keep myself very very busy and not talk to certain people.
Okay I guess I'm done ranting :)
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Our Journey Thus Far
I have never blogged before and thought maybe writing things down will be a great venting process for me. So let's start with how we got to where we're at right now. In October of 2007 I stopped taking my birth control pills, which I had been on for 14 years straight, so we can start trying for baby number one. I knew to expect weird cycles for the next few months and thought nothing of my 6-7 week cycles. After 7 months had gone by, I started wondering why my cycles were getting longer instead of shorter. I tried using ovulation tests and never got positives.
So in September of 08 I found an OBGYN to consult with. We ran various blood tests for my hormones and ultrasounds and to my extreme surprise, I was diagnosed with PCOS. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I kept coming across PCOS in my own research but thought there was just no way I had that. I'm not overweight and I come from a very fertile family. So WTF happened here??? My OBGYN started talking about fertility treatments right away because I can't ovulate and my head was just spinning.
She sent me to an Endocronologist to check on my thyroid before we start any treatments and while there he mentioned an insulin drug called Metformin. Since he's the hormone doctor and PCOS is a hormone disorder I figured he was the guy to listen to. He said PCOS most commonly stems from insulin resistance and it didn't matter if tests showed I had a problem with that or not, the drug should help. It would help lower my testosterone which in turn would help me to ovulate. Okay, great! So I began Metformin in October and wouldn't you know, I ovulated for the first time ever after one week of taking it.
Well needless to say my husband and I got to work and 2 weeks later I was pregnant! WOW how much easier could that have been! So things were progressing great and then at 6 weeks the doctor noticed some light spotting in my exam. We did an ultrasound and found a heartbeat although it was okay it wasn't as high as she'd like it. I started progesterone supplements and was put on bed rest. My 8th week appointment was looking good, heartbeat was up. We came back for our 10th week appt, on xmas eve, thinking everything was perfect and the doctor couldn't find a heartbeat. How...Why??? I just couldn't believe this was happening. It took a while for it all to sink in and then I just coudn't stop crying. My dear sweet husband was devistated but held it together to take care of me. I ended up needing a D&C at 11 weeks. I never want to have to go through that again.
So I took 2 months off to recover physically and mentally. We started trying again the following month and I actually ovulated again, however it was really late, day 35. I thought there was no way that egg could be good. Well 2 weeks later I got a positive pregnancy test. It was very faint and I just had a weird feeling about it. I kept testing and the line never got darker and by 1 week later I started to miscarry. I was sad but I was expecting it.
So here we are in my 2nd TTC cycle. I have an appt next week for an ultrasound. As long as I don't have any cysts then I start Clomid. Hopefully that will get me to ovulate earlier in my cycle and with a better quality egg. If by chance I ovulate on my own this cycle early enough, we'll of course go for it :) But my hopes are not that high.
So in September of 08 I found an OBGYN to consult with. We ran various blood tests for my hormones and ultrasounds and to my extreme surprise, I was diagnosed with PCOS. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I kept coming across PCOS in my own research but thought there was just no way I had that. I'm not overweight and I come from a very fertile family. So WTF happened here??? My OBGYN started talking about fertility treatments right away because I can't ovulate and my head was just spinning.
She sent me to an Endocronologist to check on my thyroid before we start any treatments and while there he mentioned an insulin drug called Metformin. Since he's the hormone doctor and PCOS is a hormone disorder I figured he was the guy to listen to. He said PCOS most commonly stems from insulin resistance and it didn't matter if tests showed I had a problem with that or not, the drug should help. It would help lower my testosterone which in turn would help me to ovulate. Okay, great! So I began Metformin in October and wouldn't you know, I ovulated for the first time ever after one week of taking it.
Well needless to say my husband and I got to work and 2 weeks later I was pregnant! WOW how much easier could that have been! So things were progressing great and then at 6 weeks the doctor noticed some light spotting in my exam. We did an ultrasound and found a heartbeat although it was okay it wasn't as high as she'd like it. I started progesterone supplements and was put on bed rest. My 8th week appointment was looking good, heartbeat was up. We came back for our 10th week appt, on xmas eve, thinking everything was perfect and the doctor couldn't find a heartbeat. How...Why??? I just couldn't believe this was happening. It took a while for it all to sink in and then I just coudn't stop crying. My dear sweet husband was devistated but held it together to take care of me. I ended up needing a D&C at 11 weeks. I never want to have to go through that again.
So I took 2 months off to recover physically and mentally. We started trying again the following month and I actually ovulated again, however it was really late, day 35. I thought there was no way that egg could be good. Well 2 weeks later I got a positive pregnancy test. It was very faint and I just had a weird feeling about it. I kept testing and the line never got darker and by 1 week later I started to miscarry. I was sad but I was expecting it.
So here we are in my 2nd TTC cycle. I have an appt next week for an ultrasound. As long as I don't have any cysts then I start Clomid. Hopefully that will get me to ovulate earlier in my cycle and with a better quality egg. If by chance I ovulate on my own this cycle early enough, we'll of course go for it :) But my hopes are not that high.
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