9 Weeks

Whew, made is this far. So my 7th week u/s went great. The heart beat increased to 149, very nice. My doctor gave me a prescription for Zofran (anti-nausea meds) to help with the queasies. I've only thrown up once, I mainly just dry heave. I'm only taking the pills when it's at the worst point, which so far has been about 5-6 times. Weeks 6 & 7 were the worst weeks of nausea and since then it's been calming down. Every day is different. I usually have a tiny bit of nausea, but it's such a small amount I can mostly ignore it. Then out of the blue I'll feel just terrible. Never know when it's going to hit.

Right before I hit 8 weeks, I started to bleed. It totally looked like I started my period and I just broke down knowing that was it. My history so far has sucked so I shouldn't be shocked but I really thought things were going to be perfect this time. I called my doctor crying and she told me to come over for an u/s. The second I saw the baby on the screen I started crying because the heart was just beating away. I couldn't believe it. It was a strong 177 bpm. We measured the baby which should have been around 7 weeks and 6 days, my little chubster was at 8 weeks and 3 days. He did lots of growing this past week. We found some bleeding around the placenta, must have been a tear. Maybe from all the dry heaving. I'm now on bed rest till my appointment on Aug 6th. We'll decide then if I need one more weeks rest. The bleeding really shouldn't affect the baby so I'm hoping to see him doing great on Thursday. Since my first bleed I have since stopped and only spotted brown blood for a couple days. I seem to be back to normal, just taking it easy and working from home in bed right now. Guess I should enjoy the rest :)

1st Appt

We had our 1st appt on 7/16/09. It went pretty well. Baby measured just about perfect, I thought I was 6 weeks and 2 days but it measured 6 weeks and 1 day. Close enough :) All the important parts were there and we saw the heart beat, it was around 112. Doc said over 90 is fine but I'll go back in a week for another u/s to make sure the heart beat is increasing.

I was starting to feel icky while in the waiting room so I thought it was just nerves. Then of course I was nervous after we left because of the heart rate. I've looked up the stats for 6 weeks and baby falls in the range perfectly. The iky feeling turns out to be morning sickness...oh joy. I'm thankful for healthy signs but I sure do feel horrible. It's pretty constant throughout the day and has been everyday since my appt. I don't think we need to worry at all.

Guess What???

Since only a few people read this I think it's safe to post here. I'm prego!!! I can't believe it!! I started testing at 7dpo, I know too early, but a shadow was showing up. It wouldn't show till after the time limit so I just ignored it but it happened every time I tested. Each day the shadow got a teensy bit darker. Yesterday I was seeing much more of a line even though it's still faint. I grabbed a digi and it say'd "PREGNANT" @ 10dpo. SWEET!!

I went in for my Beta and Progesterone draw today. I should have the results Monday, hoping for high numbers on the Progesterone. I know the Beta won't be too high since it's sooooo early but I hope the number is average.

So far my symptoms are:
Slightly swollen boobs, a tiny bit of nausea and really tired. I'd say I'm peeing a lot but I do that to begin with. I have a bladder the size of a pea. I'm really fun to go on road trips with :)

For now I'm keeping this info hush hush. No posting on myspace or facebook about it. I might make it public when I feel more safe about the pregnancy.

My Ovaries Are Kicking Ass

First of all congrats to my ovaries for their hard work and I say HARD WORK because boy did I feel it! Let's say it felt like I was dropping a mondo dinosaur egg LOL. I say "dropping" as if I'm a chicken laying an egg ha ha. Hopefully I got 1 really good egg out...who knows it could be 2 :) After starting to think this cycle was done and the Clomid didn't work, I got a positive ovulation test yesterday. Woot Woot!! I'm pretty sure I ovulated today (cd20) based on the discomfort...aka mondo dinosaur egg. We've done everything perfect. You can just call us the energizer bunnies he he. So I now happily take my seat in the two week wait and I'm sure within the next few days I'll be pulling my hair out and driving myself nuts with the anticipation. Oye I love & hate the 2ww.

Need to Stay Positive

I had more tracers over the last couple days. They only lasted a few minutes but I've read that if you experience vision problems with Clomid you should stop as it could cause permanent damage. Uggghh. I need to believe that this cycle will work. If not, I might be able to try Femara, similar to Clomid. The only next step after that is injectables, which could be between $2,000-$5,000 per cycle. I always feel like every time things are getting better something comes along and has to knock me back down. I can feel my mood slipping but I really need to stay positive about this cycle.

I'm a little worried about the chances of having multiples on Clomid but if we moved to injectables that's like a 25% chance. You're almost guaranteed to have multiples. Not that I would mind, it's just all about the babies health. They will most likely deliver early and could have potential problems. I'm already maxed out with current worries I can't add anymore to the mix. Why does this have to be so difficult. There are so many undeserving woman out there pregnant that don't even want a child. I don't get what Gods plan is.

Holy Hallucinations Batman!!

Last night was CRAAAAAZY. While I was trying to sleep, every time I'd move my hand/arm in front of my face I'd see tracers. YIKES! I woke up later at 3am, went to the bathroom and as soon as I turned on the light, it was like tracer city. I could follow the patterns with the movement of any body parts. I moved around for about 10 minutes and it wouldn't go away, so I just figured go sleep it off. I woke up this am and was fine. I let Dr. Sofya know what happened and she's okay with it for now but if it keeps up we might have to change plans if this cycle is a bust. My moods have been GREAT though, I feel like I'm euphoric :)

Clomid So Far

I'll be taking my 4th pill later today. So far I haven't had any bad side effects. My moods have been great, but I'm usually pretty stable during the first couple weeks of my cycle any way. I've had some hot flashes I guess. I'm usually pretty cold, but the last couple days I've been feeling hotter. Even though I take my pill at 3:30pm, the hot flashes are the most at night. I wake up soaked in sweat and kicking off the covers. I know it's definitely not hot in the house.

Dr. Sofya said to start with the OPKs on CD10. Today is CD7. I think I'll start today so I can see how my LH is doing, plus I've got like over 100+ OPKs, might as well use them up. I'm hoping I wont need them again after this cycle :)

FINALLY!!

I have been waiting so patiently..LOL.. for this day to come. I'm finally on CD3 and I'll be taking my 1st 50mg dose of Clomid. I'm so excited to take it, I'm almost thinking about leaving work right now and running home real quick to take it. Oooooo so tempting. I guess I've waited this long, I can wait for...4 more hours! Holy Moly, calm down self :)

An interesting tid bit I just read the other day. I for some reason thought that Kate (Jon & Kate + 8) had done IVF. Well I just read that she took Clomid + IUI for the twins and Clomid for the sextuplets. OMG!! I know it's on the rare side to be hyperstimulated on Clomid like she was but still!! I don't think they did the IUI for the 6 and were told to avoid that cycle. Obviously someone was impatient HA.

So here I go on this new adventure. I'll be updating more often as hopefully this will be interesting and exciting.

Plan Set In Motion

Alrighty! I got a positive OPK the last two days, so I probably ovulated yesterday or possibly today. Again it's a late ovulation, day 31 or 32, but I guess the good news is that my body is making the effort. I'm so close to starting Clomid and I just don't want to risk another loss so we're not going for this eggie. FINALLY I can expect the timing of things. Since I ovulated I'll have a period in 2 weeks and on day 3 of my AF I start my first cycle of Clomid, WOOT WOOT!! I'm soooooo excited!!!!

Hopefully I'll have great sucess with it since I'm already ovulating now on my own. My eggs just need a swift kick in the ass to mature quicker and bust out of their bubble.

Now the questions is...will we have Clomid twins??? Hmmmm....

Herbal Remedies

So I've been doing research on herbs to hopefully get my period on time this cycle or to induce it. I've been taking Dong Quai for some time now so I upped the dosage on that. I added in Black Cohosh just yesterday. I've read that it stimulates the uterus and helps prepare the cervix to open up.

I've also started taking Wild Yam and Maca Root for added hormone balance. I was taking Vitex this whole cycle but just read that it increases your LH levels and lowers your FSH. Wow, I didn't realize that. That is not something a lot of woman with PCOS should be doing as our LH levels are higher than our FSH, which they should be about 1:1 ratio to be normal. I don't know what my ratio currently is but when I was first tested I was around 1.5:1, so not bad. However I have noticed that my OPKs on this cycle have constantly had a test line. Not positive, but there's always a noticable line there, which means my LH levels are up constantly. So I stopped Vitex a few days ago and I'm hoping that I will see a difference.

Hopefully all of this will help, I just can't wait to start my first cycle of Clomid. Hurry up AF!!!

Pre-Clomid Ultrasound Update

Well I guess I have been living in denial. I never truly accepted the PCOS diagnosis and thought that by improving my way of life and taking herbs such as Dong Quai & Vitex, eating more yams (great fertility food), and taking Metformin, that I could fix me. BOY WAS I F*@$ING wrong! I just don't know what I did to deserve this.

I really thought that when I had my ultrasound yesterday, since I was on day 16 of my cycle, that my doc would see that I'm close to ovulating. HA. I obviously cannot fix myself. I know there's no cure for PCOS, but I really still thought it was a mistake. My biggest follicle in each ovary was only around 7mm. Doc said they need to be more like 17mm and it doesn't look like I'll ovulate this cycle.

I guess the good news is that I do not have any cysts so I can start Clomid on my next cycle. She told me there was a 10% chance for multiples and asked if Joy and I were okay with that. I said what can I do, I don't have much of a choice. Either take the chance or possibly never have kids. I'll be 30 this year, my fertility is naturally declining as it is and the older I get the greater risk of health problems. She wanted me to wait for this cycle to naturally end. I told her I've had 3 month long cycles before, I am not going to just sit here and wait some more hoping to have a short cycle this time. It's been 1.5 years already! So she agreed if I don't ovulate or have a period in 3 weeks then I'll take Provera or Prometrium to end this cycle. Glad I put my foot down.

So now I wait. I get so frustrated when I talk to some people because they just don't get it. They tell me to just relax, you're working on this too hard. WTF! I HAVE to work at this, it's just not going to magically happen. I need drugs to ovulate and I HAVE to track and monitor my cycles or else how the hell will I know when I'm ovulating. If you don't have anything nice to say then shut your freakin trap!

I just have to take my mind off all this while I wait because I'm driving myself nuts and getting way too angry.

Joy and I have been going to the gym together again, which is really nice. I feel much better when I'm active, so I'll just have to keep myself very very busy and not talk to certain people.

Okay I guess I'm done ranting :)

Our Journey Thus Far

I have never blogged before and thought maybe writing things down will be a great venting process for me. So let's start with how we got to where we're at right now. In October of 2007 I stopped taking my birth control pills, which I had been on for 14 years straight, so we can start trying for baby number one. I knew to expect weird cycles for the next few months and thought nothing of my 6-7 week cycles. After 7 months had gone by, I started wondering why my cycles were getting longer instead of shorter. I tried using ovulation tests and never got positives.

So in September of 08 I found an OBGYN to consult with. We ran various blood tests for my hormones and ultrasounds and to my extreme surprise, I was diagnosed with PCOS. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I kept coming across PCOS in my own research but thought there was just no way I had that. I'm not overweight and I come from a very fertile family. So WTF happened here??? My OBGYN started talking about fertility treatments right away because I can't ovulate and my head was just spinning.

She sent me to an Endocronologist to check on my thyroid before we start any treatments and while there he mentioned an insulin drug called Metformin. Since he's the hormone doctor and PCOS is a hormone disorder I figured he was the guy to listen to. He said PCOS most commonly stems from insulin resistance and it didn't matter if tests showed I had a problem with that or not, the drug should help. It would help lower my testosterone which in turn would help me to ovulate. Okay, great! So I began Metformin in October and wouldn't you know, I ovulated for the first time ever after one week of taking it.

Well needless to say my husband and I got to work and 2 weeks later I was pregnant! WOW how much easier could that have been! So things were progressing great and then at 6 weeks the doctor noticed some light spotting in my exam. We did an ultrasound and found a heartbeat although it was okay it wasn't as high as she'd like it. I started progesterone supplements and was put on bed rest. My 8th week appointment was looking good, heartbeat was up. We came back for our 10th week appt, on xmas eve, thinking everything was perfect and the doctor couldn't find a heartbeat. How...Why??? I just couldn't believe this was happening. It took a while for it all to sink in and then I just coudn't stop crying. My dear sweet husband was devistated but held it together to take care of me. I ended up needing a D&C at 11 weeks. I never want to have to go through that again.

So I took 2 months off to recover physically and mentally. We started trying again the following month and I actually ovulated again, however it was really late, day 35. I thought there was no way that egg could be good. Well 2 weeks later I got a positive pregnancy test. It was very faint and I just had a weird feeling about it. I kept testing and the line never got darker and by 1 week later I started to miscarry. I was sad but I was expecting it.

So here we are in my 2nd TTC cycle. I have an appt next week for an ultrasound. As long as I don't have any cysts then I start Clomid. Hopefully that will get me to ovulate earlier in my cycle and with a better quality egg. If by chance I ovulate on my own this cycle early enough, we'll of course go for it :) But my hopes are not that high.